seductive silent wine...

Still waiting for Mount Redoubt to explode. JJ from the radio station 94.7 The End here in Alaska called Redoubt "God's Indigestion". I think that is a fair comparison.

I hate the waiting game. With Hurricane Rita & Katrina in 2005, we knew that they were coming, and we could see on a day to day basis how close they were. We knew the exact date of when they were going to make landfall and come over us. With the volcano, there is no telling. You get an hour or two notice, when the volcano produces tremors like a jackhammer and steam starts spouting from the top. I know that it's coming.... I just want to know WHEN it's coming... so I can relax until then :) J thought I was silly to buy dust masks today. I don't care though! If it does erupt soon, and God forbid there is an emergency and I have to go outside, Kaitlyn and I WILL be wearing masks so we don't inhale all of the fine ash and ruin our lungs. Josh can wear one if he wants. I don't feel silly that I bought them- they weren't that expensive ($14 for 3 of them) and if we never use them- so what? At least we had them just in case.

We are calling the baby "Peanut" until we find out the gender (probably around 20 weeks). When I was pregnant with Kaitlyn, I was fairly sure I was having a girl before the ultrasound. This time around, I think I'm having a boy. I don't know why, but I do :)

The official countdown is 29 DAYS until we leave Alaska! It's so close. J finally got his paper orders for New York, so Liz owes me $20. Don't deny it. You know that you do! (But you won't if we end up in Louisiana.... because then yes we were stationed in Ft Drum, but then transferred over... so we were both right!)

It snowed quite a bit today- probably 6 inches or so. You can't even tell that I shoveled the walkway before I unloaded groceries so I wouldn't slip and break something (including Peanut!!)

I realized last night that in a few months, we will be a family of four. Isn't that crazy? I'll just have turned 24 when Peanut is born. 24 and a family of 4!

Can I be sappy for a minute? I adore my husband. He came home this afternoon and I was so excited to see him :) We played Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader (the board game) and it was hilarious... and apparently no, I'm not smarter than a freaking 10 year old. OH WELL!!

I'm not sure what we're going to do tomorrow? Probably lounge around and catch up on TV (lol) since Josh worked practically 24 hours a day from Tuesday until this afternoon. Sunday is the Super Bowl, and J really wants the Cardinals to win since they have never even BEEN to the Super Bowl. I think they need to win, too... but we'll see how they play.

Okay, I think I'm done rambling about the thoughts that are running through my head.

Yeah.... I went there. You know you want to laugh, but you're not sure if it would be in poor taste. That's okay.... go ahead. I won't judge you.

Courtesy of SpicyBugz World.

So Mt. Redoubt (isn't that a stupid name for a volcano??) is supposed to be erupting within the next few days. This giant volcano is 100 miles from here, and EXPLODES when it erupts... I'm talking ash, rock, and glass spewing up to 10 miles into the air. The last time it erupted was almost 20 years ago, and they're expecting this eruption to be about the same in size. Which means that our news stations have everyone up in arms and freaking out about the Apocalypse. It IS kind of daunting to think about- I mean I have never personally had the chance to be near a volcanic eruption. And not a whole lot of people have. So I'm kind of anxious just to see what will happen.

Link to Alaska Volcano Observatory

Link to Los Angeles Times news article

Link to Anchorage Daily News

more animals

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

It is cartoons like this:


That make me nervous about having another baby!!!

Oh snap... e-Harmony is having a 20% discount promotion!!!!!!!! Apparently even the economy is affecting people finding their true loves. Now that they have started this promotion, my life can be labeled as "complete".

For real though, enjoy the coupon, if you want to try it out. Otherwise, ignore this post completely.

I cannot believe that I woke up this morning with pink eye! Gaaaaah! I TOLD J not to fart on my pillow! LOL.... I'm so mad though... I look like I've been smoking a doobie, my eyes are BRIGHT red. I look rabid. Grrr.... I REALLY hope that Kait doesn't get it!

I downloaded a Super Mario theme for Firefox, and it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. All of the icons are Mario characters, and the "x" to close a window is a bomb! It's hilarious. A little geeky, but awesome nonetheless.

ETA: OOPS! I forgot to add the link to the Mario theme. You can find it here.

Didn't do a whole heck of a lot today. Did food shopping, took a nap while Kait did the same, started the dishwasher. My life is exciting.

I realized today that my mom will be here in less than a month to help us pack and move!! Which consequently made me realize that I have a TON of stuff to sort through. I have to decide what the movers are shipping, what I'm taking to California for me and Kait, what J is taking in the car (he's driving while we are all flying), what we will donate to the Salvation Army, and what can't be moved (liquids, perishables, etc). We leave on February 28th, so exactly one month from tomorrow. I have so much more to do... I have to get Dotty vaccinated, get her a health certificate to fly, make sure all of our utility bills are paid and are set up to be shutoff when we leave, schedule my flight, do the final walkthrough for the house, rent a carpet shampooer, make sure Kait and I are clear to move to our next duty station, get both of our medical records, get Dotty's vet records, etc. Yikes...

J is gone, Kait is asleep, and I'm lonely. Every little noise outside is creeping me out! I HATE it when he's gone.

I went to the hospital today to have my pregnancy concerned (as my sister was still skeptical that I actually was pregnant, despite positive home pregnancy tests). I went to Women's Health, who ordered me a pee test. Then I went to the lab to give the sample. They told me to come back in an hour and a half for the results, so I went and walked around the PX for a while. K and I ate lunch and did some shopping, and then went back to Women's Health. They told me that my test was positive, and that I needed to go get more tests done. She gave me a huge book of papers to fill out. I go to the lab and wait... and wait... and wait. The labs weren't ordered from Women's Health (gaaaaah!)... so I walk all the way back down to WH, and they order the labs. Then I go back to the lab. They have me pee in 2 MORE cups, and then suck 6 vials of blood out of my arm. I tried to take a picture of my battle wound, but my camera was terrified by the gory sight and wouldn't focus on it. Then I went BACK to WH, gave them my paperwork, and scheduled my first OB appointment and ultrasound for February 26th. It was a 4 hour ordeal, and I'm exhausted!

We won't be able to see much on the ultrasound, but we will be able to see and listen to the heartbeat, as well as see his/her head, lower body, arms, and flippers :D I won't find out the gender until much later in the pregnancy, probably around May.

For a girl, we have narrowed down 2 name choices: Lauren Richelle and Riley Madison. We still have no clue about a boy's name, except we LOVE Riley! Riley makes an awesome middle name, but not so great of a first name. We can't find a middle name that doesn't sound awkward with it. Oh well, we still have quite a while until we have to make the final decision ;)

J leaves tomorrow and won't be back for quite a few days. I hate when he leaves, but I love stretching out in a bed all to myself! Heehee. Expect to read numerous blogs, probably astronomical in length. Just want to prepare you.



I had a dream last night that I started dating Isaac Hanson. What the heck? Isaac is the ugliest Hanson of all! J wasn't even in the picture, so I'm assuming that this was a "If I Was Single" scenario. How scary.


Apparently I need to start making a list of the good and bad things that happened today. So, I now introduce you to the new daily segment of my blog:

CURRENT RATING OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY:

GOOD:

• Ate some cookies.
• Kaitlyn was surprisingly good for how long we were out and about.
• Ate a veggie delight Sub (brownie points for eating healthily- all veggies on wheat bread with a bit of mustard! Minus brownie points for drinking a root beer and having a couple of potato chips to go with it)
• The sun was out for a bit today, so in between all of my driving and walking to and from buildings, I actually caught some sunshine.

• I'm tired from running around all day.
• I was getting angry at being sent back and forth all afternoon.
• Had to say goodbye to J (as I will not be awake when he leaves at 5:30am).
• Had to pee more than I have ever before, and into cups!
• Vampires sucked my blood.
  

I have the munchies SO bad. I'm eating gummy bears right now and I have cinnamon rolls in the oven. At 11:55pm. OH WELL! I can't keep eating like this, or else I will have to birth a 17 pound baby. And I can't imagine that would be too fun. Heck, my daughter was 7 pounds, and THAT wasn't even fun... except for the epidural. The epidural was niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice....

Everyone in both my and J's families were so excited about the new baby! My great-grandmother (about to become a GREAT-GREAT-grandmother AGAIN!) said "ohhh nooooooooo!! That's great news!".... after hearing the word "no" my heart dropped down near the new baby, but she didn't mean it like that.... at least I hope her initial reaction wasn't that! Hahaha...

We have to come up with a new nickname. When I was pregnant with Kait, we called her "Starfish" until we knew the gender. It was so impersonal to keep calling her "the baby". So Starfish was gender neutral enough to where it wouldn't be too weird of a transition when we found out if I was having a boy or girl. So #2 needs a nickname (and not "#2", preferrably) so that I don't have to feel like "the baby" is an alien. Any ideas? Needs to be gender-neutral sounding, so obviously "Princess" or "Bonecrusher" are out. Feel free to leave a comment and pitch an idea.

I've had some cramping today, which made me kind of nervous. But I looked back through my pregnancy journal, and I felt the same way when I was first pregnant with Kait. So, that made me feel a bit better.

These cinnamon rolls are delicious!!!



You know you're jealous.

Yes... your eyes are not deceiving you. I found out this morning that I am pregnant! According to those ever-trustworthy internet due date calculators, I'm due on September 25th. I go to the doctor on Monday!

I'll post more later!

THANK GOOODNESS. The US is finally starting to allow stem cell research! It has taken long enough. So much good can some from doing these kinds of tests! There are other ways to obtain stem cells- through the umbilical cord blood, for example. And, I believe, from the placenta... though I could be wrong on that one. I'm so glad that this is starting up in the US! Maybe they will be able to start helping people with MS. I read somewhere that a leukemia drug can help halt the deterioration of an MS sufferer's nervous system, but I think that stem cells could do the same or even reverse damage. No more covert operations to Mexico or Europe in order to get some treatment that has been shown to work! I'm ecstatic about this. Maybe there is hope that my Grandma will be able to walk normally again.

Onto another topic, I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday. Josh will be home all weekend and maybe we can actually go for a small hike. There is only like an inch of snow on the ground right now (since everything melted a week ago), so it would be nice to get out of the house and get some fresh air.

Just in case anyone was wondering, never open a sun roof on a car when there is snow on the top of it. It sucks.

I suppose I should head off to bed- it is almost 1am and K will be getting up around 8.

So I shaved my cat today. Literally. I'm not being dirty (get your mind out of the gutter!!)... the poor thing is getting so old (over 12!) that she has a hard time grooming herself. She was starting to get mats, so I decided to help her and cut them out (sometimes you can get away with just doing that)... but I couldn't. I had to shave her. I don't have any before pictures, but here is the after:



She wasn't mad at me though! Proof:



She was in a good enough mood to stick her tongue out for the picture! I felt so bad, but I had to do it... otherwise it would have just gotten worse. Poor thing has the worst haircut on Earth. And I forgot that she has to fly down to California looking like this... she is going to be so embarrassed! Oh well!

Just because I'm in a picture-posting mood...



K's new trick. She thinks it's hilarious to see everything upside down! She will literally stay like that for minutes at a time, just giggling at herself. Silly girl.

I'll probably post again later. I'm not tired.

I've been playing around with customizing this blog, so be prepared for some changes and switching around of stuff. Also, please visit the sponsors on this page! It helps me out!

Yesterday on Maury (yes... I was watching Maury... don't judge!) they had some guys come on there that had created a "baby daddy" pregnancy test. You took the test and the result came from a speaker that said in Maury's voice "You ARE the father!" or "You are NOT the father!".... it was hilarious. And then I started thinking about how well those would sell. I mean is there an actual way to make a double-sided swab for collecting a DNA sample from a kid and a dad, then waiting a few minutes and reading a result like an hCG pregnancy test? I have seen in the stores those DNA tests where you can buy the swab kit for like $20, then mail in the samples with another like $100 and get the results by e-mail or phone. But an instant DNA test... how profitable would that be? Especially if they were cheap enough to mass produce and cheap enough for consumers to buy. I think I'm onto something here.... Anyone want to fund my Find Your Baby Daddy Instant DNA Test?

So American Idol Season 8 is on. Is it sad that I really look forward to the auditions and then lose interest in the actual competition later? Some of those people are horrible. I don't feel bad for the people that go in there with the intent of making jackasses of themselves in order to get on TV. However, I feel SO bad for the people who really do think they can sing. You know that some of their supportive family members and friends LIED to that person and told him/her that they could actually sing... OR even told them that they had a shot at getting into the competition. How sad for those people.... they go to the auditions thinking that they could DO this, and they get ripped apart by the judges!

I really like the new judge, Kara Dioguardi. I think she is BEAUTIFUL and has an awesome voice. She's already causing some drama though so... I don't know how much I will watch.

There was a guy that auditioned back last week who was almost completely blind. They did a little blurb on him and showed him at home on the piano- that guy is TALENTED! And has a great voice to match! I was amazed. I really hope he gets far.

OH! And ultimate "DUH" moment- Ryan Seacrest tried to give the blind guy a hi-5. Yeah it didn't work too well. Not quite sure what he was thinking. It was like he was a Big Brother trying to give a mentally handicapped kid a hi-5 for doing a good job....

Has anyone seen the game Saints Row 2? J is playing it right now, and holy moly... it is violent! Very entertaining, but crazy! It has people stabbing other people in the face, strippers dancing on poles, gangs, pimps, etc. It is funny to watch, but I'm SO glad I don't have a 10 year old son to learn from it... lol!

It finally snowed a little bit here today- it was pretty! I tried to make an Angus beef meatloaf for dinner tonight, and it turned out pretty good. I don't think I will do it again, though... the Angus beef was too expensive to not be amazing... lol! K liked it (with ketchup, lol!) but she loved her baked potato even more!

It was inauguration day today! How exciting! My grandfather swears it will be the end of the world. I called him tonight to say hello and had to hear ALL about it. (Though I instigated it... I know how he feels and I called to wish him a Happy Inauguration Day just to spite him.... lol!) Oh well... he will soon see that America isn't going down the drain anytime soon.

No plans anytime soon. Maybe will have dinner with some friends one night, but that's about it.

My sister is getting a pink and white sapphire ring from her boyfriend for Valentine's Day..... AWWWWWWWWWWW!

Had a good day! It has been moderately warm for a few days now (mid to high 30's.... it even got to 43!) and it has been wonderful. We went to the mall and shopped, then came home. K was awesome (as usual!) and took a great nap. Then we went out to dinner with our friends... it was really nice to get out and socialize with people!

K is a teething machine... she has 3 molars coming through! Poor baby. She can point out her nose, eyes, and hair if we ask her! And she knows "up" and "down" now. We put her tennis shoes on her and she actually stood up by herself for about 10 seconds, then sat herself down! Once she gains confidence in herself she'll be good to go.

Not much else to update- still going on as usual. Gotta get out of this funk!

J left this morning for training, and they decided to come back on Thursday night rather than Wednesday night. Oh well! I'll catch up on playing on the Wii... heehee!

K took a huge fatty nap today. I laid her down at 2, she played in her crib until 3:30 and slept until 6! I ended up taking a nap too, and when she woke me up at 6, I couldn't tell if it was 6am or 6pm. I hate waking up confused like that! She is learning how to feed herself with a spoon/fork, and while it is awesome, it is so darn frustrating! She won't let me feed her... I can't even HELP her. She has to do it on her own. Or else she just plays with the food, flinging it everywhere and smooshing it in her hair and seat. She wore 3 different outfits today, lol! She'll get the hang of it, but until then, mealtime is killing me! She did drink out of an actual cup today though, and while she did pour most of it down the front of her shirt, she did get a couple good sips in there.

Stupid me, I forgot to plug in my car and start it up while it was so cold here (It got down to -30 one morning!) and now it won't start. I plugged it in and hopefully the battery is only dead from the cold... so if I can get a jump, I'm really hoping that it will work fine enough for me to take it to the autoparts place so I can replace the battery. I'm REALLY hoping that the fuel lines didn't freeze and broke because I tried to start it :( I've heard of that happening. I'm pretty sure that's not the case here though. We'll see! Payday is either tomorrow or Wednesday, so I'm not too concerned about fixing it.

I love payday :) I'm really excited about our financial situation- J gets paid so little in the Army but we are doing well. We had a couple of tricky months because of unexpected bills/ necessities but we got through it! I'm not the best at keeping track of our money (yeah, this is coming from the accounting student..........) and J is simply hopeless at it (LOL) but I'm getting better and more careful. We don't have a lot of extras or luxuries, but we are making it and that's all that counts :)

J and I have had a blast playing Need for Speed on the Wii. You hold the remote like how you would be holding a steering wheel (at 3 & 9) and steer like that. It's SO much fun! I have a Mitsubishi Eclipse, nicknamed The Pink Nightmare..... teehee! K was sooo cranky tonight. She didn't even want to eat, she just wanted to sleep. So we put her to bed early with a big bottle of milk- I didn't even brush her teeth as to not start a huge tantrum (I know.... so bad... but it's the first time I have done that since she has sprouted teeth!) She fell asleep really easily. Poor thing... I hope she's not coming down with a cold or something. We haven't even really been outside since it has been so cold lately. It warmed up to zero degrees today though.... so that's good! I hate that 0 degrees is considered "warm" as of late :(

J has to leave on Monday and be gone until Wednesday night for training. I hate when he is gone :( It's not too bad though, only 3 days. But it is boring when he's gone! Oh well.

Our leave date for Alaska did get pushed back, so now we aren't leaving until March 6th. And we're not sure if my mom can come up now.... which is a HUGE bummer. We'll get it figured out though. We've got plenty of time!

We watched Tropic Thunder last night. I thought it was going to be horrible, but I thought it was actually really funny! Ben Stiller is kinda "meh" in it though. Jack Black and Robert Downey Junior = hilarious! And Tom Cruise... I nearly peed myself laughing at him dancing. I don't think I've ever seen him in a big role in a comedy... he needs to do more of that kind of acting... it was SO funny.

J is sitting behind me and asked me what I'm doing. I said "I'm just blogging..." and he said "Oh! You're a blogger now? Are you saying bad stuff about me?" ....... lol.

I made the best dinner tonight! Tacos with homemade seasoning and Spanish rice... it was delicious! J loved it and said that it needs to be a dinner staple from now on... lol! I had a better day than yesterday. K slept until 10am (!!!) and took a nap from 4-5:30. J doesn't have to stay late at work anymore (Somebody high up found out that they were making everyone stay late and put an end to it!), so he was happy about that. Details are still sketchy on our move... but that doesn't surprise me!

I find that I'm having more up days than before. Is PPD finally starting to let up? I hope so! J and I want to have our children close together (if I got pregnant this month, I would be due in late September or early October... it would make K just under 2 years old, which I think is a good age for a sibling!). All of my sisters and I are 2.5 years apart from each other, and it worked out so well. I'm scared that when we have another baby I will have to go through all of this again.... I have an increased risk of having it again... but we'll see! We want to have another baby sooner rather than later, so I really want to just GET OVER IT. Easier said than done, lol.

I'm knitting a blanket for K and it is turning out beautifully! It is pink and soo soft. I think in the middle of it I'm going to stitch a K in it. I'm so excited... this is the biggest project I've ever worked on! And I'm working with bamboo knitting needles, which makes it THAT much cooler. Haha!

K has learned how to say "hello"... except she can't get the 'L' sound down, so it comes out "herro".... it's funny! My sister wants me to teach her how to say "pwned!" but when she tries, it comes out as "boo" lol. I've been patiently waiting for her to start walking, but it hasn't happened yet *sigh*. She's 14 months now, and I'm starting to worry. She was late crawling (9/10 months) so it's kind of expected that she would be a little late with walking, but she hasn't even taken her first steps yet. I'm worrying that she is delayed because there was a very minute possibility that her jaundice damaged her hearing/brain when she was a few days old.... I'm worrying over nothing, but still.

Okay... I need to shower and get to bed!

K will not stop crying. J's leave form was approved, so my mom and J's friend bought their plane tickets to come up to help us move. Now they are saying his leave form is no good, and he can't leave for a MONTH later than he was supposed to. I hate this lifestyle.

I'm very chatty today. Now that I have started blogging again, I can't seem to stop.... lol! Is there a 12 step program for this?

With all of the technological advancements as of late, why is it so hard to find a legit work-from-home job? I have only found one that I like, but it doesn't pay very much. The other thing is that I can't really work answering calls because of noisy K. So, I'm pretty limited to what I can do. Gaaah. I have had to weed through about half a million "work from home opportunities" that you have to PAY to be a part of... then it is guaranteed that "You will earn $10,000,000 in your first month!" .... Now how is that even possible? Or legal?

I just woke up, and I'm exhausted. Ugh.

K is in a good mood though! Thank goodness for small favors... haha.

Gaaaaaaaah! It is 2:15am and I can't sleep. I'm tired but I can't get my brain to shut up! I can't wait until we leave this place so we can have some normal daylight hours and my body can readjust. I know that's not the only thing causing my insomnia... but it will definitely help! I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want one week of feeling like my old self again. No amount of medication seems to be able to do that, though... isn't the Zoloft commercial the one that shows the circle with the missing piece? And in the end, the piece isn't missing anymore? I feel like my piece is gone and I can't find it. This has been going on for well over a year now- when is it going to stop? I thought postpartum depression went away within the first year.... at least that's what the doctors have all told me. What happens if I still feel like I'm drowning? I just want to go through one day without feeling like I want to break down into tears and I'm not sure what for. I hate feeling like this... I hate feeling so alien. This is not me. This is not Heather. Heather is happy and vivacious and loving. Not angry and tired.

I hate the stigma that is attached to postpartum depression. Some women with extreme PPD have what is called "postpartum psychosis"- this is the type of illness that makes women try to kill themselves or their babies. However, we are not all like that. My depression is considered "severe" since it has gone on this long, but I have never, ever thought of hurting K. I am not a bad mother. I do not neglect her, nor do I abuse her. But the chemical imbalance from pregnancy and delivery has really affected me. It makes me feel sad (which in turn makes me mad, since I can't seem to shake it).

I have talked more about PPD than ever before. I needed to get that off of my chest. I guess that's the point of a blog, right? It's embarrassing to talk about in real life (that stupid stigma).... but I really do need to talk about it, to expose my feelings about it, in order to start healing.

I've had this blog for such a long time... and I've never written in it. I always think that my writing is cheesy and cliched, so I delete everything I write right after I post it. It's sad!

So we're leaving Alaska next month (!!!) and I'm so excited. I can't wait to get out of this dark, cold place. I will miss my friends here, but other than that... I'm ready to get out of here. I'm anxious about leaving- about making sure all of the utility bills are paid and closed before we leave. Also, making sure the movers pack everything right and get here soon enough to our leave date (Feb 17) so that we still have time to clean and do the final walk-through with our Landlord. BUT, it can't be TOO early, because then we will be sleeping in sleeping bags in our empty house, living out of our suitcases, for who knows how long? I'm so glad my mom is coming up here to help. At least she can watch K while I get ready to leave.

Then... we will be in California for two whole, sunny, glorious months!!! I can't wait. It has been up to -23 degrees here lately, and I'm SICK of it! Our car almost didn't start. It's so hard to go out and do anything because you don't want to freeze. I am so excited to get back into the sun and normal weather.

New York will be so awesome! It's going to be a new start. No one there knows my name... it will be starting from scratch. No one will know that I am shy and don't like talking to new people. I'm going to force myself to be outgoing and social. Even if it sends me into an anxiety attack... lol.